Set the expectation
Include Your Toddler
Of course, serious conversations or matters where you both need to speak freely should take place separate from your kids. This would be another time to set the expectation, “Dad and I are going to our room to talk for five minutes. I know you can stay here and keep yourself busy with that puzzle until we get back.”
If her need for connection with Dad isn’t getting satiated when he gets home, you might also want to consider tweaking your routine. Can he play with her a bit longer when he comes home? Can he take over reading books before bed? Is he available to eat breakfast with her in the morning? Small shifts so that he can fill her cup up before or after work might naturally ease some of this tension.
Check in With Your Feelings
After a long day of being at home with two small children, I completely understand the desire for adult conversation. Plus I’m guessing you like your partner and miss him when he’s gone during the day. However, it might help to change your own expectation of the evening and recognize that your time to connect as a couple is most likely going to happen after bedtime. That might be the best time to talk and reconnect without interruption (hopefully), and you’ll probably feel more relaxed when you aren't in mom mode. At this stage in life, our time with our partners can feel more like a privilege than a right unless we’re very intentional about making space for it. It might help to make regular kid-free dates if you have childcare so you can be sure to have the time to enjoy the person with whom you built your family.
If you’re feeling isolated during the day, you might want to consider regular play dates or another activity that gets you out of the house. With a toddler and a baby, it can be easy to stay home for the sake of simplicity, however getting out and being around other parents once or twice a week might help you to feel supported and connected.